The summer of life

First off, take a look at that guy in the picture. How much do you hate that commercial? I mean, the guy is literally the worst "acting musician" I have seen since Davy Jones of The Monkees when he would have to pretend to play the drums. And are we supposed to seriously believe that those old dudes are really surfing, playing guitar, and enjoying life more because they color over their gray hairs? And why do they want us to not trust anyone over 90? Hell, if you can make it to 90, you probably have seen some pretty good stuff and if you are still together enough to talk about it, we all should probably listen.

Also, and I don't want to really know the answer to this so spare me--are any of those Just for Men actors pulling double-time in a Flomax commercial? I'm just talking out loud here so save yourself the time of doing the research.

Yes, this morning I have on my big boy cranky pants. You know why? Well, because it is summer, we don't have hockey and because we don't have hockey, I tend to believe that summer really, really sucks.

As I write this, the upcoming Islanders season looks like it is going to be closed captioned for the hearing impaired and filmed live in front of a studio audience full of canned laughter. The organ-eye-zation is going to be treating their paying customers to some seriously jacked up prices for AHL caliber hockey this year. That doesn't bother me as much because I have wanted this rebuild to happen in earnest for a while now. What does bother me is the way the Islanders are perceived in the media and by the rest of the league. Yes, it's a circus. It is insanity. It's also business as usual and man, is that some tiring horsecrap to put up with.

I can't tell you how many people emailed me the link to the history of Islanders' shenanigans from SI.com yesterday. (Yes, I can. It was seven...before noon.) I'm not upset at friends or whatever rubbing salt into my festering sores at all. What bugs the heck out of me is going through the pictures and reliving the Gang of Four; fish stick sweaters; Spano perp walks; and Don Maloney.

That just adds to the summer of discontent. We have the Olympics coming up and nothing about the summer Olympics interests me. I may watch some of the soccer but that is it. Plus, forgive me on this one, but race running is the most boring thing this side of golf. They're just running, people--nobody's chasing them! When that happens, let me know. Then I will watch.

Plus, can we cut down on the commercials, NBC? No one cares about 08-08-08 and if they do, they already know when the games start. Plus, just think: on 08-09-08 we get to start reading media columns about how NBC is going overboard on their coverage that no one is watching and that the ratings are in the toilet swishing around like last night's chicken fried rice.

So, yeah, I'm a pisser today. Still don't have a coach for the Islanders and all we can find is that Paul Maurice is interviewing this week and that John Tortorella and Mike Sullivan have been cleared to talk to Garth Snow. Joel Quenneville--who I failed to mention as a possible candidate last week (mea cupla) is without contractual obligations so he is free to talk to the Islanders whenever he wants to--assuming that he does want to coach the Long Island Circus.

A friend who is a Bruins fan also filled me in a bit on Providence's Scott Gordon. The reigning AHL coach of the year signed a two-year deal before last season and the Bruins hold the option on the third year. The Bruins are very high on Scott Gordon but reports are that they would not stand in his way if he wanted to talk to teams about a job in the NHL.

Greg Logan also reported that Gordon is considered quite the coaching prospect because of his success with the Providence Bruins over the past two years. Gordon also reportedly "runs high-tempo practices, uses video extensively, and is well-respected by current and former players."

In other words: might be a great fit in Long Island. Not the name hire with NHL pedigree that a lot of the disgruntled fan base is clamoring for, but an intriguing guy nonetheless. Plus, the way the organization reportedly likes to have a measure of control over their employees, an American League coach trying to get his career in gear may be more inclined to tow the company line than an established coach with a NHL reputation. Just a thought; not an endorsement.

NBC Embarrasses the National Hockey League

I nearly threw up in my mouth Saturday afternoon when Bill Clement came on TV before the overtime started between the Senators and the Sabres and told me to "enjoy the horse race".

Of course, NBC decided to throw the OT to Versus so that they could start their OVER AN HOUR LONG pregame show for the freaking Preakness Stakes. Seeing so many midgets in brightly-colored silks made me think that I must've have been tripping into Disco Night at the Manhole. Luckily, nbcsports.com had a banner instructing us to go to Versus for the overtime of a hotly-contested conference final that just might have sent one of the teams playing into the Stanley Cup Finals.

But, you know, we need OVER AN HOUR OF A PREGAME SHOW FOR AN EFFING HORSE RACE! Race itself: minute or two. Pregame show: seventy minutes. Bob Costas sightings: way too many for family audiences.

Look, this boils down rather simply. NBC pays big bucks to show these freaking white people cheering neon midgets on horseback and they split the costs and profits with the NHL for the games. Accounting-wise, it was an easy decision. Viewer wise it probably was fairly easy too. But you'd think that the network that was hosed by the infamous "Heidi Game" in the 1960s would have learned that no matter what, they need to stick with the game at hand. This is not the XFL cutting into J-Lo on SNL; this is the freaking National Hockey League! It's almost ONE HUNDRED YEARS OLD! I could see if the Ghost of Barbaro (TM) had entered the race--then it would be big news. Lord knows that some Americans have turned that freaking horse into a cross between Dale Earnhardt and Elvis; which makes me sick.


So instead of Dave Strader and Eddie O we get the old AFL guy in a lime green tie; Weeman after he raided Barry Melrose's wardrobe; and the fug-smuckerest of all the fug smuckers, Bob Costas. Flowers. White people who are rich. White people in strange hats. Horses wearing socks like Pete Maravich. Stupid, stupid crap.

On this one, I say that we have to blame the NHL. They know that NBC are bastards. NBC milked "Friends" a year longer than they needed to. They cancelled "Andy Barker PI" after giving it like no shot to succeed. And now, every NHL fan knows that we all rank lower than horse racing on the television food chain. As if we all needed another groin shot at this point of the game.