NYIFORLIFE.com's 2009 NHL Playoff Predictions!

EASTERN CONFERENCE

(8) Montreal Canadiens vs. (1) Boston Bruins

Boston won the season series with a 5-0-1 record. Tim Thomas is scrappy. They look like a team that is ready for a long spring. Montreal has really had a terrible up-and-down season in the year the Canadiens celebrated their 100th birthday. Word from "friends" of the Kostitsyn brothers is that this one is a quickie: Boston in five.

(7) New York Rangers vs. (2) Washington Capitals

All people are thinking about is Sean Avery vs. Alex Ovechkin. Avery likes to initiate but he never follows through. Just watch how he looks at referees and not his opponent whenever he's started something.

Ovechkin joking said that King Henrik uses illegal equipment and everyone thinks he is serious. It'll be serious for the Rangers, all right. Caps in six.

(6) Carolina Hurricanes vs. (3) New Jersey Devils

This is a weird one. The Hurricanes have played their backsides off since new (old) coach took over for our (old) friend Peter Laviolette. The Devils are...the Devils. The emotion leading up to Marty Brodeur's taking over the all-time leader in goalie wins sure seemed to fizzle after he broke the remarkable record.

Carolina in six; actual visible steam seen coming out of Brent Sutter's head.

(5) Philadelphia Flyers vs. (4) Pittsburgh Penguins

Bloodbath. Oh, this is gonna be good. Do you trust Fleury against Richards, Carter, Party Boy Lupul, and Briere? How does Martin Biron hold off the tide of Geno and Sid? Sergei Gonchar should be just rounding into shape for an extended playoff run. This series has a crazy toss-up feeling to it. Flyers in seven.


WESTERN CONFERENCE

(8) Anaheim Ducks vs. (1) San Jose Sharks

San Jose has the President's Trophy and that can mean the Kiss of Death in the playoffs. Anaheim has battled injuries, stupid penalties, and and an amazing lack of self-awareness. On paper they should be much better than an eight seed.

San Jose technically should beat the stuffing out of the Ducks. But then again, everyone has been waiting for them to take the next step. Is this the year? I say yes. Sharks in five.

(7) Columbus Blue Jackets vs. (2) Detroit Red Wings

This season, Chris Osgood has been questioned as much as that kid in Aruba after Natalee Holloway disappeared. The guy has three Cups and while you wonder if players can literally just flick "it" on and off like a switch, Detroit is going to be too much for Columbus, who are making their first playoff appearance in franchise history. Red Wings in five.

(6) St. Louis Blues vs. (3) Vancouver Canucks

What a great story the Blues have been. I think we all dream that the Islanders can catch lightning in a bottle like they have in St. Louis. But before I sound like Larry Brooks slobbering all over John Davidson, let's mention that the Canucks have ripped it up for the past few months and leapfrogged a lot of teams to land in the third position.

The Blues could suffer from "Just happy to be here"-itis. Is Chris Mason The Guy? Does Roberto Luongo finally have the team in front of him to go far in the playoffs? I think he finally does. Canucks in five.

(5) Calgary Flames vs. (4) Chicago Blackhawks

Picking the #5 vs the #4 seed is always difficult. Chicago swept the season series, crushing the Flames in all four games. It's also easy to want to pick the young Blackhawks because of the great rebirth of the sport in the Windy City. But to do so, you have to look past the fact that the Flames have had quite a bit of success and that you'd be betting against Mike Keenan, Miika Kiprusoff, and Jarome Iginla. I'm not willing to do that.

Let's say that this series is the learning experience the Blackhawks need. Calgary in six.

Just writing about it gives him attention, but...

If you're reading this then you probably are aware that Sean Avery is an attention-seeking child. For those who missed it, look it up online because I am not going to post it here. Suffice to say that Sean Avery embarrassed himself and the league by flapping his arms and stick in front of Brodeur the other night. The Rangers were on a 5-on-3 and he was facing Brodeur and doing everything but jumping jacks like an idiot in front of Brodeur in an attempt to get him off his game. Avery is such a complete loser. The more I think about it, the more the Devils are also such losers from not even going after Avery for being such a clown and a bush-league tool. You think if Scott Stevens was still playing that he wouldn't have introduced Avery to the Rangers' team dentists? Stevens would have hit him so hard that Avery would have to fart to clear his own throat AND he'd be waking up next week just to do it! Man, even Ken Danyeko would have gone after him for that crap. Brent Sutter is the Devils coach and to see some clown act like such a freaking low-rent, disrespectful fool must have given him piles. Can you imagine a Sutter acting like some attention-starved idiot? They'd throw him out of the hay loft on the family farm in Viking, Alberta just to see where he'd land. I'm surprised Sutter didn't come off the bench and hit Avery with his shoe. Honestly, who uses a shoe?

(Is it wrong to use an Austin Powers reference in 2008? I don't keep up on my memos.)

Plus, and this is worse, Larry Brooks defends this immature horsepile in today's New York Post. Again, I am not going to link to it because it just gives them more of what they want but trust me, Larry Brooks either has a man-crush on Avery or he will just side with the Rangers over any little thing.

COMING UP LATER THIS WEEK: Our exclusive interview with Mike Fornabaio, the Bridgeport Sound Tigers' beat writer for the Connecticut Post. Mike's been covering the team for a few years now so check out the interview sometime this week on NYIFORLIFE.com.

Separated at Birth? Fred Ewanuick vs. Carey Price

Kinda freaky, don't you think? Fred Ewanuick (Hank from Corner Gas) and his evil twin, Canadiens goalie Carey Price. I mean, seriously, Carey Price could be Fred's younger brother.