The Stanley Cup Finals on NBC

First, a little bit about me.

For whatever reason, I don't take very much personally. That's just how I am. Oh, sure, when I get pissed it is all but over, but for the most part, I just let a lot of stuff roll off of me. Overall, I think I am fairly easy going.

(OK, I just had a friend read that. He told me I am full of crap and wants to remind me that I can hold a grudge forever with a ferocity that is both blinding and violent. I think that is a winning combination. He thinks that it would be better to add that I am not reactionary--which is good--but that I am quite calculating, when I need to be. So there it is.)

Anyhoo, when (ahem) "people" rip the sport I love, I tend to get super-pissed. Why? Well, because most of these so-called experts are commenting on a sport for which they have no understanding...or, they have ulterior motives in doing so. Lazy potshots from a fat guy at a typewriter make for easy copy.

What do I mean? Well, for starters, we all can complain that ESPNBAFL treats hockey like it is all but irrelevant. And yes, the NBA is treated as the supreme be-all and end-all in the sports universe that is brought to you by ESPNBAFL and is sponsored by a million other things. Why is that? Well, ESPNBAFL owns the rights to show the NBA on their television networks and they bow to the almighty NBA commish, David Stern. Less people on average watch NBA basketball than do daytime soap operas. Is that for real? Doesn't matter as long as I say it enough because then people will start believing it. See--it's a lazy potshot from some dude sitting at a keyboard.

Which brings me to my point: instead of constantly worrying and whining about the people outside the game not watching the sport, maybe it is time for the freaking NHL to look toward and cater to the people who are already hooked. Some douchy USA TODAY TV reporter is never going to get over his dislike of hockey but the 2 million people watching the games on NBC in the US should not be forgotten. The standard newspaper media of old dudes who think baseball and Lebron are the only games in town need not apply. Nobody reads newspapers anymore except for ink-stained reporters who are only worried about their backsides and people in public toilets. I say, let them all take their lazy whacks at us all they want. We need to let it roll off of our backs. That includes the hyper-sensitive Canadian media as well. We know you think you're the caretakers of the game. We got it. But we love this game too. Shouldn't matter where you live.

NOW, that is a long way to go in an attempt to tell you that on Saturday night, I am pretty sure that I watched the most perfect TV telecast of hockey that I have ever seen in my life--and it was on NBC. Somebody needs to speak up and say that Mike Emrick; Ed Olczyk; and Pierre McGuire are probably the best announcing team the sport has ever had in the states. I will not argue this point.

I'll listen to Mike Emrick read the freaking phone book because I know that no matter what happens, he is going to put all he has into making that phone book seem exciting as hell. The love he has for the sport comes through so clearly when he speaks. He sets Edzo up to do his job and do it well. I mean, Ed pulled out the video chalkstick immediately and showed the viewers that Anaheim had only four men out there for a faceoff right before Anton Volchenkov scored the Senators' second goal. It was priceless, time-sensitive stuff--and Ed had Doc learning along with the viewers at home. Imagine the simplicity--actually showing us what happened!

Even the between periods stuff is gold. The tension between Brett Hull and Bill Clement jumps at the viewer while they are talking because body language speaks louder than anything either of them can say. Brett often comes off as dismissive of Clement, and he shouldn't be. Clement is way better at being the master of ceremonies in the studio than anyone ever thought he would be because, let's face it, Clement was an excellent analyst for years. And the third man in, Ray Ferraro, certainly told us all what he thought about Ottawa's Jason Spezza and his play in the first two games when he said Spezza had been "jittery, confused and intimidated." Wow. An indictment and extreme candor. Imagine any of the talking heads trying that in another sport. I don't think Chris Berman will be ripping Mike Vick for anything bigger than a loss of focus if Vick blows chunks in the Falcons first few games this year. And yet, Chicken Parm knocks this stuff night after night...and he is right!

Last--and certainly not least--is Pierre McGuire. Pierre has reached the exalted status of Budding Genius in my home. I rarely give anyone credit for just broadcasting a sport or the news but Pierre is just a freaking treat to listen to. His perch between the benches lends itself to some interesting points for Doc and Edzo; if only because of his proximity to the game. The interviews with players as they enter or leave the ice are great because they allow for actual emotion from the game and not the robot answers hockey players are apparently bred with. Plus, the guy knows exactly when to pop in between Doc and Ed and rarely, if ever, are any of the guys talking over each other. Most importantly, none of them are shouting unless the play encourages actual emotion from three guys who genuinely love the sport.

So, after ripping the network for leaving the playoffs to show some nags run around a dirt track dragging underweight midgets, it says here that we hockey fans have got to give it up for the men of NBC. The network might be stupid but no matter how you look at it, the way they present the game to the MILLIONS OF FANS IN AMERICA WHO LOVE HOCKEY, shows that whomever is in charge of these broadcasts loves the game too. And that is a very, very good thing.

NBC Embarrasses the National Hockey League

I nearly threw up in my mouth Saturday afternoon when Bill Clement came on TV before the overtime started between the Senators and the Sabres and told me to "enjoy the horse race".

Of course, NBC decided to throw the OT to Versus so that they could start their OVER AN HOUR LONG pregame show for the freaking Preakness Stakes. Seeing so many midgets in brightly-colored silks made me think that I must've have been tripping into Disco Night at the Manhole. Luckily, nbcsports.com had a banner instructing us to go to Versus for the overtime of a hotly-contested conference final that just might have sent one of the teams playing into the Stanley Cup Finals.

But, you know, we need OVER AN HOUR OF A PREGAME SHOW FOR AN EFFING HORSE RACE! Race itself: minute or two. Pregame show: seventy minutes. Bob Costas sightings: way too many for family audiences.

Look, this boils down rather simply. NBC pays big bucks to show these freaking white people cheering neon midgets on horseback and they split the costs and profits with the NHL for the games. Accounting-wise, it was an easy decision. Viewer wise it probably was fairly easy too. But you'd think that the network that was hosed by the infamous "Heidi Game" in the 1960s would have learned that no matter what, they need to stick with the game at hand. This is not the XFL cutting into J-Lo on SNL; this is the freaking National Hockey League! It's almost ONE HUNDRED YEARS OLD! I could see if the Ghost of Barbaro (TM) had entered the race--then it would be big news. Lord knows that some Americans have turned that freaking horse into a cross between Dale Earnhardt and Elvis; which makes me sick.


So instead of Dave Strader and Eddie O we get the old AFL guy in a lime green tie; Weeman after he raided Barry Melrose's wardrobe; and the fug-smuckerest of all the fug smuckers, Bob Costas. Flowers. White people who are rich. White people in strange hats. Horses wearing socks like Pete Maravich. Stupid, stupid crap.

On this one, I say that we have to blame the NHL. They know that NBC are bastards. NBC milked "Friends" a year longer than they needed to. They cancelled "Andy Barker PI" after giving it like no shot to succeed. And now, every NHL fan knows that we all rank lower than horse racing on the television food chain. As if we all needed another groin shot at this point of the game.