What Versus Does Right

Here at the home office, we like to think we have some reasonably decent opinions. Here's one you're all not going to believe in: we like Versus and we think they do a good job. So there.

As you'll recall, we live in Comcast Country. That means we get Versus and we don't even have to pretend to look for it. We also get the NHL Network and we are aware that it is on channel 276. So, you know, take that you whiny losers who complain you can't find the channels! It's just like your mother said: you can do anything if you try. Dumbass.

So, yeah, I like the way my favorite sport is covered on Versus. I think they do a good job. They'd be better if they dumped Brian Engblom, but that is a minor penalty for being trite and lame. Sure, there are other things they could do better, but overall, they're pretty good.

Now that I've complimented them and they all have a big head, I do have some suggestions on how they can do better. If it comes off as backhanded, then it's backhanded. Nothing I can do there.

Let's start with the greatest complaint out there; being that The Home of Hockey doesn't have a proper highlights show.

There's a couple of ways to attack this one. The most obvious would be just to run the NHLN's On The Fly show overnight and after the games. A simulcast would not be out of the question here. Comcast owns part of the NHLN and they own Versus. How hard is it to arrange this sort of thing? I don't know for sure, but it can't be too bad. Besides, don't we all need Dan Pollard and Gary Green to be on American basic cable?

The one thing that sticks out as a hold up to me might be the fact that the NHLN in Canada is sort of run by TSN and TSN is either owned or affiliated with ESPN so those bastards may not want "their" programming from Canada on a competitor in the USA.

So, if you can't do that, why not have Keith Jones, Bill Patrick, and that other mullety fellow hang around until, say, midnight and do a proper wrap-up show? Then, Mr. Versus Programmer, you can run the thing all night over and over like Sportscenter and you've got inexpensive programming that fills up blocks of broadcast time. Run your infomercials in the 6-9 AM slot and then run the NHL show again from 9-10 AM. After that, go back to shooting stuff until the games are on in the evening. Everybody wins! The hockey people who make up the bulk of your audience are served...you get the infomercial money...and the outdoorsy types who are currently indoorsy get to watch hunters shoot animals. Genius!

I don't know that there are a lot of complaints about the studio show. Keith Jones is fun and is a bit of a character but he is likeable. Bill Patrick is light-years ahead of Bill Clement with the hosting stuff. The real loser of the bunch is Brian Engblom; who can only be explained away by using his only TV move: Engblom has never met a cliché he didn't like. (See what I did there? I USED a cliché to make a point ABOUT a cliché! Can I work in TV now?)

And it isn't just the clichés. The man is just pure boring. Guys like Pierre and Milbury have personalities that blow you out of the water whether you like them or not. Engblom breeds indifference...which ultimately makes him a fist magnet after years and years of wondering how the guy got a TV job in the first place. No energy and no enthusiasm at all.

Last, let's tackle the announcers. The PBP guys are mostly solid dudes and are led by, of course, Mike Emrick. There's no one better in any sport than Doc and we all know that. I will argue this to the death!

Behind him is Joe Beninati, who is the regular Caps announcer and I think he is really good. He's always prepared, tells a story along with the game, and he brings a certain amount of excitement to his calls. He's saddled with another cliché lover, Darren Elliot. Elliot is okay in that non-offensive way where nothing he says makes you feel either good or bad at what you're watching. In a word: not great.

So, you know, more points to Joe for keeping his energy up during the games he works with Elliot.

John Forslund is the other main play-by-play caller. He cracks me up. You see, Forslund used to do Hartford Whalers games so I got to see a lot of his work back in the day and let me tell you, that professional announcer voice he uses now is not what he started out with. His work is fine and he calls the game well and whatnot, but that fake voice he uses just cracks me up. It's like if that Pimpled-Faced Teenager from The Simpsons was trying to sound important or something.

I know many people who are sort of split on Eddie Olczyk. Personally, I really enjoy how Edzo works with Doc. Both come off as excited to be there and have an obvious passion for the game. Did we ever get that vibe from Gary Thorne and Bill Clement? Well, yeah. Sometimes we did. But too often, didn't you get the idea that Thorne was on cruise control and that Clement was trying even though his partner wasn't giving him much to work with? Plus, let's never forget the embarrassing night when they were doing an Islander game and Carol Alt joined them in the booth. The two of them acting like giddy schoolgirls at a freaking Jonas Brothers concert instead of trying to be professional--and by the way--middle aged.

And to everyone who whines about the NHL not being on ESPN, think about what you're asking for. Sure, it would be nice to have NHL2Night again and all, but it ain't happening. They don't like us. I mean, they hired Pierre LeBrun for the website and all and that is great but if you remember back when they did broadcast the NHL, what did they do between periods? Did they send it back to a studio to talk hockey? Nope. They went to a stupid Sportscenter update that spent more time showing highlights of other sports like the NBA and college basketball than they did showing highlights of other NHL games being played around the league and whatnot. Personally, if I am tuned into a hockey game, I really don't care about what is happening in the NBA that night. If that's how they're going to treat it, then forget it.

Therefore, in short, I maintain that instead of bitching about what we don't have, let's be happy for what we do have. Could it better? Of course. But what Versus gives us now is still better than the alternative.

Goodbye, August!

August is simply the worst month to be a hockey fan.

In June you have the finals (whether you have a horse in the race or not) and the entry draft.

In July you have free agency and the yearly shenanigans of some new crazy ownership group trying to make a splash.

Then, in August, you get nothing. It's quiet. Sure, this year we had the Mats Sundin saga (seriously, Mats. Get off the pot) and the continued misadventures of the Tampa Bay Lightning (good luck with Meszaros over Boyle) and whatever is played on the NHL Network.

But mostly, you get nothing. It's like we've all been banished to watching clip after clip from the upcoming Best of Hillbilly Jim and Uncle Elmer DVD. I don't know about you, but I can't takes no more!

So here we are. Mark Parrish is still a free agent and even though Chris Botta thinks it would be a mistake to bring him back, I am still holding out hope. Sure, he only scores goals in bunches but last time I checked, you win hockey games by scoring goals. Would Parrish be taking time away from the young guys coach Scott Gordon is trying to develop? Maybe...but it wouldn't be much. I still think you can add Parrish and maybe one of the remaining free agent defensemen out there with some experience like a Bret Hedican or even Marek Malik. As the Isles have proven over the last couple of seasons, you really can't enough defensemen.

No truth to the rumor that our armed forces are now treating prisoners to DVD's of Hillbilly Jim and Uncle Elmer as torture, either. Not that it wouldn't work; we just can't confirm it.

For those who asked me about the hockey cards, I have actually bought six more packs since last report and no Islanders. Not even the guys who aren't on the team anymore. I did pick up the Kyle Okposo rookie from a popular auction site that we won't name but as of this writing, said Okposo has not arrived at it's new home.

Special thanks to those who wrote in wondering where I was over the past few weeks. Well, I was around but I just wasn't moved to write anything because, as we said, nothing was happening. I've tried watching Islanders Illustrated but I'm not exactly the biggest fan of watching TV on the computer so that has been hard. Overall, a decent show though. Slight thumbs up because of my TV-on-the-computer bias.

Also, to everyone who wrote to me about the Comcast travails, I feel your pain. Shocking how much people like to vent about cable companies. And yes, I know Cablevision blows too, even though I don't get their (ahem) service.

Long story short--for those who wanted to know about resolution--is that we got everything squared away....sort of. Chalk it up to a huge nightmare. Also, a warning to anyone who is a Comcast customer that wants to order WWE 24/7--Comcast still does not offer the full programming slate that the WWE makes available. They've not showed any NWA TBS shows in August and did not show either the Stampede episode from 1986 a lot of people are talking about or the Terry Funk Film Session that I desperately wanted to see in July.

September is Ric Flair month. I hope to hell that everything is offered as it is supposed to be...but I am not holding my breath. Suffice to say, Comcast still sucks.

And yes, if I flip on the channel and the full programming as listed on the WWE website (and other carriers' websites) then I will post the good news here. Don't hold your breath.

Comcast Saga Part III

Saturday, August 2, 2008 8:49 PM
Subject: Re: Comcast Customer Connect
From: "Bill Strong"
To: "Melissa M."

Well, that is hilarious. I just tried calling you and while I doubted you'd be keeping Saturday hours, I did expect to get voice mail...but the phone just kept ringing. Hysterical.

Well, now things are even worse. We came home today to find that our DVR was not working. I called the help number and spoke to a very helpful and contrite man named Jerry. Spoke with him for over an hour as he tried to help me get the DVR to work. At the end of the hour, I not only found out that we lost all of the shows we had DVR'd the night before, but that our box was defective and we have to return it.

This has been an unreal experience. I don't even know why I am bothering. Jerry was a great help and seemed to not only know what he was doing, but I actually got the sense that he wanted to help me. He gave me a another credit and yet, the bottom line is, the box doesn't work.

This is one of those circumstances where money means nothing. The box is actually overheating. We can smell it. I just unplugged the box--which we were using to at least channel surf until Monday, but now to save my other electronics, I have had to unplug the unit.

So now we have no TV until at least Monday, when I have to go myself down to the Bloomfield office and swap out the crappy receiver that was installed by a Comcast contractor (that I paid for--and who came here without a remote) and then come home and hook it up myself...which apparently I am paying for right now.

Obviously I was issued a receiver that was either reconditioned or that someone had previously returned for being defective. This is classic stuff and it is way beyond money by now.

At this point I would appreciate any and all assistance you can provide in expediting the clearing up of this mess, which we are getting quite tired of. When we signed up for this service we were not expecting a nightmare like this.

Thanks,

Bill and Linzi Strong

The Comcast Nightmare Continues...

Below is PART 2 of the never-ending Comcast saga. Wait, it gets even better. At the bottom of this post is a reply I rec'd from the marketeers at Comcast. They apparently read blogs. I removed the person's phone number and mine as well.

Bill



--- On Sat, 8/2/08, Bill Strong wrote:
From: Bill Strong
Subject: Re: Comcast Customer Connect
To: "Melissa M."
Date: Saturday, August 2, 2008, 8:26 AM

Thanks for responding to the post. I'm quite surprised and a little creeped out, but I appreciate it. I've been reluctant to post the feedback that I received for the post that I wrote because I seemed to touch a nerve with a lot of people.

I am also leery of making the phone call as you requested; for what I believe are obvious reasons. If you want to contact me, my number is at the bottom of this message.

The way the entire escapade was handled was, in my opinion, just completely terrible. I have interest in ordering the MLS Direct Kick package; the NHL Center Ice package; and the WWE 24/7 channel but the events of Thursday have totally soured me on giving Comcast any more of my money. That's just me being honest.

There were two people who genuinely seemed like they wanted to help me. One was a guy I believe was named Matthew and the other was Marcel. Matthew was the guy who rectified the the channels that I had ordered when setting up the service (with a person named Kim) and he also was the one who tried to hand me off to someone in the technical area who was going to help me with the phone issue. (That was the first disconnected call, by a man named Shannon.)

Marcel was eager to help me but when I got a hold of him, a person who had dropped my call called me back and apologized. At that point, this was beyond repair. She connected me with her supervisor when I asked and the supervisor--who told me she had "no control" over the cable issues, was dismissive and her attitude was not conducive to rectifying my problems. This is where I lost it and became angry. Like I wrote, I am not by nature a yeller or a screamer, but my own tone and attitude took a turn for the worst after speaking with this woman. She made a big deal out of saying that she could give me a $20 credit to my account and that was fine and dandy but the fact that she wanted me off the phone more than she wanted to help me was simply annoying as hell. Sorry if I interrupted her day by asking her to do her job, you know?

Andy was the technician who was here for the installation. I felt badly for him because he had to go and tell everyone that he had no remotes all day long. Again, I generally try to be cool in these instances because I understand that it is hard to be in a service situation...but sending techs out on installations without remotes for the TVs is just unforgivable.


Bill Strong




--- On Fri, 8/1/08, Melissa M. wrote:
From: Melissa M.
Subject: Comcast Customer Connect
To:
Date: Friday, August 1, 2008, 12:17 PM

Hello NY Islanders Fan!

My name is Melissa and I work for Comcast Corporate Offices in Philadelphia . I came across your blog http://www.nyiforlife.com/2008/07/comcast-is-worst-company-in-america.html and would like to apologize for the incomplete installation and the poor customer service that followed. I would be more than happy to arrange to have all theses errors remedied for you at your convenience. I would also like to ask the market leadership to offer you compensation for this first impression. If you would like my assistance, please reply with the phone number associated with the account as well as a good contact number for you.

Again, I am sorry for the inconveniences and frustrations we caused. Thank you for the feedback. We look forward to better serving you in the future.

Kind Regards,

Melissa M.
Comcast Customer Connect
National Customer Operations
One Comcast Center
1701 JFK Blvd.
Philadelphia, PA 19103

Comcast is the worst company in America. Write it down.

Ordered the upgrade to digital cable, digital phone, and internet from Comcast. Seems easy, right?

Guy was supposed to be at my place between 9-11AM. Got there at 10:25 or so. Not too bad.

First thing he says to me is, "You're not gonna like me today."

When I asked him why, he told me that he had no remotes. No remotes, I asked. Who sends you out to install digital cable without giving you remotes?

"Comcast," he said.

So the install goes as well as the install can, I suppose, but there are no remotes in the warehouses in my service area. So we were given a receiver with no remote. Also, after the guy left, we found that the internet was not working and that we were unable to receive phone calls.

I called Comcast and after the interminable hell of their phone menus, I got a hold of someone who said that we could get a a remote brought o us tomorrow afternoon. Yaaay.

Between my wife and I, we made six different phone calls regarding service. At first, a bunch of the channels were not working on the TV. Seems that the person I talked to never put them through as part of my account. Then we could not connect to the internet and a technician was to call us back on the land line. Well, the phone rang once and then we got everything going straight to voice-mail. We found that out because my dad was trying to call us and he had to use the cell phone number--and we rarely turn our cell phones on! Why? BECAUSE WE HAVE A LAND LINE.

So the rest of my morning and early afternoon has been spent with various customer service managers and worker bees...all of whom I assume have been trained to help us but seemed more inclined to sign me up for service appointments that I never agreed to or even discussed with anyone.

How did I find this out? Well, after getting shuttled around and even hung up on (!?), I'd have to call back and put in my LAND LINE PHONE NUMBER (which doesn't work) and the friendly voice-over fembot would tell me that I had scheduled a technician to come to my place on various days that I never discussed with the helpless customer service people.

As I write this, it still isn't working. I am typing this at my Dad's PC. I work for a very large company like Comcast (in a different field) and part of my job is to support our customer service area. Suffice to say that if we treated our customers the way I was treated today, we'd be laughed out of the industry. We would never survive with the kind of problem-creating and horsecrap attitudes that I sat through. I may be cantankerous at times, but I am not a yeller or a screamer. Comcast treated us arrogantly and terribly. We were lied and deceived. Just total crap.

And now I get to take another day off from work--well, six hours--to wait for this dazzling company to send me a remote and someone to fix my alleged phone issues. Thanks so much, Comcast.

Trust me, if AT&T offered the NHL Network, I would so make the switch. But they don't and I am hosed.

NFL Network vs. the NHL Network

OK, so we've had a little while to gauge the impact that the NHL Network
has on our lives. We know that it is better than crack, sliced bread,
and penicillin combined. So, what's left? Comparison shopping, of
course.

If you're like me--and you are because you are reading this--you've had
some time to sample the NFL Network over time and you have come to some
well-rounded conclusions because you're a thinker. There are a lot of
positives for NFL fans with the channel. For instance, if you are one
of those fantasy players, well, there is a lot of information for you on
there. Caring less about wins and losses and just worrying about stats
seems to be important to a large segment of the NFL fan base and the NFL
Network has nightly shows to tell you about fantasy points and how to be
a better gambler with all sorts of news on injuries and player
ineffectiveness. If you're looking for it, they have it. Stop your
shaking.

The NFL Network also has the mighty power of NFL Films and that cannot
ever be denied. I am wholly convinced that people in my age group had
their love of football shaped by the grainy images and war-time music
that totally classes up the entire NFL experience. To this day,
football highlights shot on film (as opposed to videotape) with the
Voice of God Guy talking over the epic and sweeping NFL theme library
still makes for arresting and interesting TV. No doubt about that.

The NFL Network also features talking head Rich Eisen with his
permasmile smirk. Say what you will about Dan Pollard, but I will take
the guy who looks like Max Headroom's fleshy stunt double and rocks all
the vivacity of a grilled cheese sandwich over a smarmy frat boy every
day of the week. Then again, maybe that is why I am no fan of ESPN.

Jerry Jones would also like all of the NFL fans who are cable
subscribers to change over to a satellite service because the larger
cable companies are resistant to put the NFL Network on basic cable.
They want to keep it on a digital tier or as part of a buy-in package of
channels. Now before you run out and do whatever the NFL tells you to
do, think about this: the only reason a megamillionaire like Jones wants
you to do that is because he and the other filthy rich NFL owners stand
to make a gajillion more bucks in advertising and subscriber fees if
their network is featured on basic cable packages. Basic cable means
access to more homes. More homes means more potential marks to be
pitched to. Increased marketing means more money for botched facelifts
for the iguana-like Jerry Jones.

I don't mind being marketed to at all. I don't like it but I accept it.
But to cloud the real issue like Jones is doing by blaming the cable
companies from giving you the NFL is like saying that Coca Cola is
rotting your teeth faster than Pepsi will. The NFL had a chance to make
nice by selling 8 games to Comcast and Versus but they turned around and
essentially sold the 8 games to themselves for less money and a chance
to build their network. That's pretty ballsy stuff. Plus they shut
cable out of the bidding for and/or sharing the NFL Sunday Ticket
package, preferring to take Direct TV's cash for exclusivity rather than
casting a wider net.

So, as you can see, when you add it all up, the NHL Network wins by
leaps and bounds over the NFL Network!! Wait--are you saying that I
really didn't have a lot of evidence in my debate? Are you thinking
that Deion Sanders is awesome on TV and that Larry Murphy and Bill Berg
are not dynamic and engaging personalities? Are you still wondering who
Max Headroom is and why I compared Dan Pollard to a lunch favorite of
children everywhere? If you are, you are so missing the point.

The NHL Network has hockey. The NFL Network does not. Hockey wins
every time!