What Versus Does Right

Here at the home office, we like to think we have some reasonably decent opinions. Here's one you're all not going to believe in: we like Versus and we think they do a good job. So there.

As you'll recall, we live in Comcast Country. That means we get Versus and we don't even have to pretend to look for it. We also get the NHL Network and we are aware that it is on channel 276. So, you know, take that you whiny losers who complain you can't find the channels! It's just like your mother said: you can do anything if you try. Dumbass.

So, yeah, I like the way my favorite sport is covered on Versus. I think they do a good job. They'd be better if they dumped Brian Engblom, but that is a minor penalty for being trite and lame. Sure, there are other things they could do better, but overall, they're pretty good.

Now that I've complimented them and they all have a big head, I do have some suggestions on how they can do better. If it comes off as backhanded, then it's backhanded. Nothing I can do there.

Let's start with the greatest complaint out there; being that The Home of Hockey doesn't have a proper highlights show.

There's a couple of ways to attack this one. The most obvious would be just to run the NHLN's On The Fly show overnight and after the games. A simulcast would not be out of the question here. Comcast owns part of the NHLN and they own Versus. How hard is it to arrange this sort of thing? I don't know for sure, but it can't be too bad. Besides, don't we all need Dan Pollard and Gary Green to be on American basic cable?

The one thing that sticks out as a hold up to me might be the fact that the NHLN in Canada is sort of run by TSN and TSN is either owned or affiliated with ESPN so those bastards may not want "their" programming from Canada on a competitor in the USA.

So, if you can't do that, why not have Keith Jones, Bill Patrick, and that other mullety fellow hang around until, say, midnight and do a proper wrap-up show? Then, Mr. Versus Programmer, you can run the thing all night over and over like Sportscenter and you've got inexpensive programming that fills up blocks of broadcast time. Run your infomercials in the 6-9 AM slot and then run the NHL show again from 9-10 AM. After that, go back to shooting stuff until the games are on in the evening. Everybody wins! The hockey people who make up the bulk of your audience are served...you get the infomercial money...and the outdoorsy types who are currently indoorsy get to watch hunters shoot animals. Genius!

I don't know that there are a lot of complaints about the studio show. Keith Jones is fun and is a bit of a character but he is likeable. Bill Patrick is light-years ahead of Bill Clement with the hosting stuff. The real loser of the bunch is Brian Engblom; who can only be explained away by using his only TV move: Engblom has never met a cliché he didn't like. (See what I did there? I USED a cliché to make a point ABOUT a cliché! Can I work in TV now?)

And it isn't just the clichés. The man is just pure boring. Guys like Pierre and Milbury have personalities that blow you out of the water whether you like them or not. Engblom breeds indifference...which ultimately makes him a fist magnet after years and years of wondering how the guy got a TV job in the first place. No energy and no enthusiasm at all.

Last, let's tackle the announcers. The PBP guys are mostly solid dudes and are led by, of course, Mike Emrick. There's no one better in any sport than Doc and we all know that. I will argue this to the death!

Behind him is Joe Beninati, who is the regular Caps announcer and I think he is really good. He's always prepared, tells a story along with the game, and he brings a certain amount of excitement to his calls. He's saddled with another cliché lover, Darren Elliot. Elliot is okay in that non-offensive way where nothing he says makes you feel either good or bad at what you're watching. In a word: not great.

So, you know, more points to Joe for keeping his energy up during the games he works with Elliot.

John Forslund is the other main play-by-play caller. He cracks me up. You see, Forslund used to do Hartford Whalers games so I got to see a lot of his work back in the day and let me tell you, that professional announcer voice he uses now is not what he started out with. His work is fine and he calls the game well and whatnot, but that fake voice he uses just cracks me up. It's like if that Pimpled-Faced Teenager from The Simpsons was trying to sound important or something.

I know many people who are sort of split on Eddie Olczyk. Personally, I really enjoy how Edzo works with Doc. Both come off as excited to be there and have an obvious passion for the game. Did we ever get that vibe from Gary Thorne and Bill Clement? Well, yeah. Sometimes we did. But too often, didn't you get the idea that Thorne was on cruise control and that Clement was trying even though his partner wasn't giving him much to work with? Plus, let's never forget the embarrassing night when they were doing an Islander game and Carol Alt joined them in the booth. The two of them acting like giddy schoolgirls at a freaking Jonas Brothers concert instead of trying to be professional--and by the way--middle aged.

And to everyone who whines about the NHL not being on ESPN, think about what you're asking for. Sure, it would be nice to have NHL2Night again and all, but it ain't happening. They don't like us. I mean, they hired Pierre LeBrun for the website and all and that is great but if you remember back when they did broadcast the NHL, what did they do between periods? Did they send it back to a studio to talk hockey? Nope. They went to a stupid Sportscenter update that spent more time showing highlights of other sports like the NBA and college basketball than they did showing highlights of other NHL games being played around the league and whatnot. Personally, if I am tuned into a hockey game, I really don't care about what is happening in the NBA that night. If that's how they're going to treat it, then forget it.

Therefore, in short, I maintain that instead of bitching about what we don't have, let's be happy for what we do have. Could it better? Of course. But what Versus gives us now is still better than the alternative.