The Olympics Are Here!

I don't know about you, but BOY do I have Olympic Fever!!

OK, I lied. I really don't. I don't have an Olympic Headache or even an Olympic Not So Fresh Feeling. Doesn't make me a bad American or a bad citizen. It just makes me normal.

I guess it was sort of how I was raised. Growing up I was a zealous sports fan but even then, I never could get into the Summer games. In fact, my Dad always said this about track: he didn't like the Summer Games because everyone was running but no one was chasing them.

Let's face it, in the Winter Olympics, there is a real danger element to the events. Look at the luge. Who doesn't love the luge? Some dude lays down on this teeny sled and then goes down an ice-slicked track feet-first at what seems to be a freakish speed. It combines two things that all people enjoy: going really fast and the element of a crash ending.

Downhill skiing? Insane. Ski jumping? Excellent chance for a wipe-out and the recurring Agony of Defeat. (Kids, ask your parents if you don't get that reference.)

Even the biathlon is crazy. Whoever thought up combining cross-country skiing and then target shooting is a genius. Can we get two more dissimilar things to mash together and make one crazy-ass pseudo-sport? I mean, outside of baking a cake and then wrestling an alligator, there's nothing as strangely exciting as the distinctly opposing disciplines of the biathlon.

In the summer, you get stuff like the hammer throw or the shot put. Who amongst us really understands the need to throw a candlepin bowling ball for fun? And if you want to see someone break a world record, why not drop the ball on their foot and piss them off so much that they try to throw the ball over the Great Wall? I know if someone did that to me I would be super-upset and I like my chances at being able to throw the thing pretty good without any training whatsoever.

I propose merging the Summer Olympics and the X-Games and letting world-wide tweakers jump over high stuff on BMX bikes and also chase runners in some of the events to add some real drama to the less-exciting events. Why not have one dude on a bike defending the bar as another dude is trying to pole vault over from the other side? Who wouldn't like to see that collision? Throw in commentary from the MXC guys and trust me, you have Ratings Gold.

Also, why not have trampolines on the volleyball court? I know it sounds a bit like Spike TV's old Slamball game and you know what? It should. I would watch some of that stuff but I am never watching volleyball unless there's a replay of someone catching an opponent in the face with the ball.

The Equestrian Events vs. those sick kids on the bikes is not even fair. Put those kids on the course people have horses jumping over and it's less impressive than some kid flinging himself and his bike off a ramp, into the air, and then doing a flip besides. That's why we have to either put the two of them together or readily admit that the Summer Olympics suck and the Winter Games rule.

And, of course, the Winter Olympics have hockey and if you're reading this, you like hockey, too. I will watch anyone play hockey. This is a firmly-established fact in my family. In fact, during the 2006 Winter Games, when it was Finland-Sweden in the final super-early on a Sunday morning, I told my wife that there was no reason for me to get up and that I would let the DVR get it for me.

So, yeah, there I was at like 5 in the morning, waiting around for the game to start at 7AM. And you know what? She knew I'd be up. My friends and family knew it too--even though I told them there was no reason for me to do so and I tried to pretend to be cool.

Obviously, I have a sickness.

Speaking of sickness, have you noticed that training camp is like right around the corner and the Islanders still don't have a coach? Not only that, but there isn't even any news about the candidates. Has any team or organization ever spent the summer getting this close to training camp without a coach in place? Last time I checked, our boys were like a month away from going to Moncton for the pre-season. Still, no coach.

I understand that Garth Snow is taking a cautious approach here and I actually support him on that...but seriously, something has to break in the next week or so, wouldn't you think? Has he offered the job to anyone? After Gerard Gallant, is the first round of interviews over? Has anyone he talked to been ruled out as a candidate? Give us something to work with here! I can't write about silly sports mash-ups for much longer!

Another thing I wonder about is whether or not some of the current players are being groomed for some management-type situations when their playing careers end. First thing that popped into my head when I saw Billy Guerin at the Isles' draft table was that he may be getting his feet wet for when his playing career ends.

Same thing with Mike Sillinger and Brendan Witt. Both are hailed as excellent leaders and they really leave everything they have on the ice. Sillinger is coming back from the injury last year and while we have heard whispers from different directions on his fitness, he really comes across (on TV, anyway) as the kind of thoughtful and hockey-smart leader that is great to keep in the organization if they have a desire to continue in the game. You see Sillinger and Guerin on the bench during games talking up their teammates and this season, that kind of on-the-job training is going to be huge in the development of the young Islanders. Just a thought.