The NHL Awards Show

Yes, it is that time again. Time for one of the more cringe-inducing shows on TV: The NHL Awards Show.

Every year I tell myself that I am not going to watch it and yet, every year, I end up doing it. The show is a lot like the NFL Draft in that way. Invariably, I end up seeing some of that nightmare even when I don't want to. (Ahem, he is going to Tivo it tonight - The Wife.)

Yes, it's true. Hockey Night in Canada host and NHL Awards MC Ron MacLean is going to get more groans than laughs with his jokes. And he is also going to make that silly Johnny Carson grin afterward. He's probably going to be even more self-satisfied than the previous year.

There will be uncomfortable silences aplenty and there will also be speeches that go on a little too long for no good reason. You might even see minor American TV celebrities on the telecast like Angel from the Buffy show (more on him later) and the dude who played Vaughn on Alias (Michael Vartan). There will be some bands you probably don't like (hellooooo, Nickelback) and probably some other performers you might not have ever heard of. People in the cheap seats will boo the commissioner and lots of players will look uncomfortable as they are decked out in clothing that doesn't have the letters CCM anywhere across the chest.

And we wouldn't have it any other way.

So, in the grand tradition of train-wreck TV watching, here is a completely random list of my favorite moments from NHL Award Shows past:

2002 Michael Peca limps up the stairs to get his well-deserved Selke Trophy after being cheapshotted by future golfing buddy Darcy Tucker in the playoffs. I think we all thought that something was going to build from that series with the Maple Leafs...and maybe it has; just a few years later than we'd have thought. I will just never forget hoping that he was going to be okay for the next season so that we (they) could avenge this travesty. I was in the house on December 6, 2002, for the return of the Maple Leafs to the Coliseum. Old-fashioned, visceral hostility was in the air. Good times.

Also 2002--So the guy from Angel (David Boreanez) is on stage and he is handing off the Hart Trophy to Jose Theodore and Jose is there with a woman. That in itself is probably not news. What is news is when Angel adlibs off the script and mentions that Jose is in the crowd with "his lovely wife". Theodore's date lights up like Christmas morning when she is identified as his wife because clearly, she is not. Jose slinks down in his chair and makes a face that I have seen before; often when people are reheating fish in one of the cafeteria microwaves in the building I work in. If we could break that face down scientifically, I think we'd see equal parts of fear; disgust; and disbelief. Now I am not disparaging the woman at all. I'm sure she is/was a wonderful person who may or may not have been bought and paid for. I'm just saying that Theodore came off as a guy who hadn't planned the relationship much further than dinner and cocktails; maybe a movie. That's all I am saying.

Stop me if you heard this before, but this one is also from 2002--First off, it bears mentioning that 2002 might have been the gold standard of NHL Awards Shows if you're only basing it on unintended comedy and/or uncomfortable moments...and no list would be complete without the New York Post's Larry Brooks trying to blink an SOS over international television when he was on stage. LB might have been the only one more afraid to be on TV than Jose Theodore that night.

1995--Eric Lindros whimpers to the fans of the Philadelphia Flyers. They hand the guy the Hart Trophy and he magically turns into a 13 year-old girl. Philly is a tough town--we all know that--but why do their big celebrities blubber so embarrassingly so at big moments? Here I am thinking of former Phillie Mike Schmidt when he retired; which may have been around the time that Eric picked up his MVP. Anyway, the big guy was reduced to tears as he told the Flyer fans that "we're gonna do it!" and win The Cup in the future. Check your watch. It is twelve years later. Flyer fans are still waiting on that promise and Lindros is in Dallas trying to avoid concussion fairies. Again, that bears mentioning.

2001--Joe Sakic looking like he'd rather be anywhere than accepting the Lady Byng Trophy. Seriously, I know the name of the thing isn't too manly and that hockey is a truly rugged pursuit, but lots of great players have taken it home in the past. The Byng used to pretty much go to the most dynamic offensive player who was not going to win the MVP. Names like Gretzky (5); Bossy (3); Ron Francis; and Marcel Dionne have all been Lady Byng winners and it didn't seem to bother them. Last year, Pavel Datsyuk of the Red Wings didn't even show up to collect it. Pavel Datsyuk!

1991--Ray Bourque won his fourth Norris Trophy. The following year, he had one of the coolest hockey cards with him standing behind the trophy holding up four fingers. I just thought it was cool.

So, what will tonight bring? Well, I'm guessing more of the same. A possible coronation for Sidney Crosby is all but assured. Don't forget, the party starts tonight at 7PM on Versus, if you can find it! (Memo to naysayers: I was being facetious. That's a fancy word for wise-ass. We all know where Versus is.)

Related link:

Complete list of past NHL Award winners