How do I hate the Rangers? Let me count the ways...

Hey, did anyone hear that the Rangers picked up resident poop-disturber Sean Avery for the express reason that the Islanders have pushed the Rangers around all season? Is there a betting line on who will be the first Ranger player to stand up to Brendan Witt; Sean Hill; Chris Simon; or whomever is believed to be knocking the stuffing out of Ranger shootout expert Jaromir Jagr? Because last time we met, Jagr was wearing Witt like a second sweater and nobody from the Rangers could do a darn thing about it.

So, they go out and get Avery. Yes, the same Sean Avery who speared Brendan Witt and made the Witter lose his cool in the early stages of the season. Witt can turn the other cheek with the best of them, but this Avery character seems to bring out the worst in most players in the league. The guy was sent home from the Kings last season because the rest of the team couldn't stand him. Then, Dean Lombardi comes in--you know, the guy who recommended Neil Smith to the Islanders--and out of nowhere, he signs Avery to a new contract. Now, with the blessing of Brendan Shanahan, he is a Ranger. Whoop-de-damn-do.

My guess is that before the game--if they haven't already--the Rangers'll be calling Hartford for reinforcements. Dale Purinton, who apparently believes you can get frequent flyer miles by sitting in the penalty box--could be the thug that the Rangers call up. They have other guys who would literally fight to get a NHL job and what better time to make a splash than in a game versus the hated rival Islanders?

They may bring up Hugh Jessiman because he is a big body. He's slow and he doesn't seem to hit much. Perfect opposing player if you ask me.

Bottom line: if the Rangers take stupid penalties tonight, the newly-minted Islanders' power play is going to do them in. Marc-Andre Bergeron is so good that you wonder why the heck the Oilers wanted to part with him. Sure, he is a bit suspect defensively but what he brings to the PP with that huge shot of his definitely outweighs the times your heart stops when he is on defense.

One word of advice to Ted Nolan: PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE don't have Bergeron play with Freddy Meyer. I am a relatively-healthy man in my thirties and I think I might suffer all sorts of shortness of breath and hypertension if the two of them are out the together. Meyer busts his backside and plays bigger than he is physically but he scares me to death with the puck on his stick. I am just saying.

Speaking of rivalries, Ryan Smyth will be playing his first Battle of New York game. I am interested to see whether he thinks that the Isles and Rangers games are more heated than the Battle of Alberta games he has been a part of. And big ups to Smitty for picking up his first goal as an Islander the other night against Washington. This home-and-home battle with the Rangers will give him first-hand knowledge of what being an Islander can be like. Thursday is going to be un-freaking-believable at the Nassau Coliseum. Can't wait for the puck to drop tonight!